I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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