We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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