so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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