I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
