I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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