ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
