mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm really into asian looking animals
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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