i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
