I want to have your abortion
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
