I wish you could order shots online.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize