wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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