Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
