I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
