You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
