I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
