I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
