Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
