I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
