well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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