I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
