Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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