Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
