Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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