can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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