i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
