What a fucking waste of an outfit
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.