dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
