His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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