Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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