FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she peed on how many people?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
