it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
