We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
