I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
