Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
