This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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