is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
