I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
