You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
