is your mom at the bar?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just googled if crying burns calories
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
