You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
