I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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