I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
