do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
