Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
