Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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