I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
