my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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