I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
so much tequila, so little girl.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
