During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize