Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You pole danced in your parka.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
