Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
