conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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