you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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