sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize