I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
