once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
