just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I currently don't understand fingers.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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