I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
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