the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize