Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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