I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
