i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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