Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
