just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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