Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
