I look better un-naked...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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