we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
