So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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