Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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