I can text with my tongue
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
