That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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