I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
