They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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