Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
